It's been an odd week .
We finally got some rain at the Casa, sorely needed from Dolly. All over town , everyone but us got rain , and I do mean everyone . We finally got some at the house on Thursday, and of course as par for the course, I had been fighting sinus's to the point that by Thursday I had a full blown migraine.
Not much that can be done there but just get through it.
Work that day was completely out of the question . It was the " Pray For Death" kind of thing , so I called in and went back to bed.
Here is the thing.
I have been having some very disturbing dreams lately.
Disturbing as in the " You are dead or no longer able to hurt / beat/ harm me and in one part of my mind I know this , but.....
Waking up fearful , not rested....wondering why the F after X number of years is this happening is to say the least difficult.
My main focus is fighting the panic attacks and the anxiety attacks right now.
Why ?
Why Now ?
We are good at home, nothing new or traumatic..just our lil old boring selves...
So .
Why ?
Have a happy week.
Ciao .
Aunty Pol .
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Busy Bees
I went to my other Godson's wedding last weekend , out in Washington state and just had about the best fun that is allowed by law. I have known the child's parents for over 30 years, we went to school and worked together so this was a super special treat for ol Pol here. We had tried to keep it a secret , LMAO, but the kids figured it out. I was set to shoot the pair of them , the program listed Moi as " Honored Guest" and the twerp walked me down the aisle first..great way to not make me cry....as if.
His mother and I were in tears from almost the moment I got off the plane and stayed that way for much of the 5 days that I was there. I'd forgotten how dry the climate is on the eastern half of the state . My skin went crunch...no matter how much moisture spackle I slathered on when time permitted...yikes.....time for a facial.
Funny, when there is a wedding, the bride has eleventy bazillion gal pals to help hold her up....the grooms folks...Me. We worked out tails off for this " country " wedding with over 300 guests. Some of the funniest were the tux fittings and the hilarity there....OMG....Hey Abner..nice touch that with the white sox......hubba hubba Baby.
The wedding was at the grandparents farm, and this is no slouch of a farm either....um....folks....wheat is $15.00 a bushel....may want to check the perimeter....we threw a bunch of that shit. Luckily, the wedding wasn't in August, between harvest and the fact that after harvest it is so dry and depressing to look at , not to mention how stubble fires wreak ones sinuses...yup...I still remember at bit from living on the alfalfa ranch in Touchet. The wheat fields , alfalfa and the peas were all so green and lush...just wonderful. The rehearsal dinner was fun...lots of nerves and goofiness.
Wedding Day .
Why the hell Jimmy Olson , cub reporter had the entire bridal party and family there 5 ( FIVE ppl....FIVE) hours for photo's before the wedding escapes me.
Word of the day....Hydrate....pass the Desani stat.
My kidneys are still floating and I drink a hell of a lot of water as it is.
Yes, I submitted with grace to the photo thingy.
Anyone who knows me at all knows that I hate , loathe and detest having my picture taken. I have NEVER seen a good one of me. I am just one of those unfortunates that does not take a good photo....no matter who is doing it. But for my Godson, I will endure with a smile.
His Mom, Grandmother and I cried through the whole damn thing . And the receiving line was worse, thank God I didn't have to stand in that. OMG , how she and I cried, and I suspect her mate was sniffing too....admit it big Daddy....you were.
The whole process was sooo sweet, we bailed about 11: 30 and the kids were dancing till 4: 30 a.m. I had a lot of offers to dance, but gave that up ages ago, even the slow ones.....except for " Cotton Eyed Joe".....it's the law peeps.....gotta do it.
The next day was back to the farm to watch the kids open their gifts...quite a nice haul...you two are off to a great start .
The grooms parents and I did have a chance to visit , worth more than I can say. We only get to see each other every few years but e mail daily. I miss them both sooooo much , I could cry.
She and I finally got the chance to talk about a topic that is difficult.
She and her hubs knew/suspected what the ex was doing to me, saw the marks and black eyes and so on...and have felt guilty all these years that they didn't step up. I told her that I was honestly afraid that her hubs would have killed my ex...no exaggeration there and I couldn't take that chance. Hell....my family didn't know for a very long time. I told her that I regretted that my sense of shame got the upper hand on my self respect at that point, but I'd go through most of it again to end up here . They adore the current hubs and he and the grooms daddy are more alike than anyone could have predicted.....pretty damn scary.
That conversation freed me in so many ways. It validated the events and showed me that one can still survive.
I love them both more than they will ever, ever know.
Back here at the Casa..
The kitchen turned out so pretty with the new paint, flooring and stuff that I am almost giddy over it.
His job moved locations the day of the wedding so it worked out that I wasn't here ..poor dude. His boss is still nuts over the stress of the whole thing but that is par. SU is still working insane hours but is willing to do what is needed.
Have a great week....I will post pics of the shindig when I can.
Ciao,
A very tired Aunty Pol
His mother and I were in tears from almost the moment I got off the plane and stayed that way for much of the 5 days that I was there. I'd forgotten how dry the climate is on the eastern half of the state . My skin went crunch...no matter how much moisture spackle I slathered on when time permitted...yikes.....time for a facial.
Funny, when there is a wedding, the bride has eleventy bazillion gal pals to help hold her up....the grooms folks...Me. We worked out tails off for this " country " wedding with over 300 guests. Some of the funniest were the tux fittings and the hilarity there....OMG....Hey Abner..nice touch that with the white sox......hubba hubba Baby.
The wedding was at the grandparents farm, and this is no slouch of a farm either....um....folks....wheat is $15.00 a bushel....may want to check the perimeter....we threw a bunch of that shit. Luckily, the wedding wasn't in August, between harvest and the fact that after harvest it is so dry and depressing to look at , not to mention how stubble fires wreak ones sinuses...yup...I still remember at bit from living on the alfalfa ranch in Touchet. The wheat fields , alfalfa and the peas were all so green and lush...just wonderful. The rehearsal dinner was fun...lots of nerves and goofiness.
Wedding Day .
Why the hell Jimmy Olson , cub reporter had the entire bridal party and family there 5 ( FIVE ppl....FIVE) hours for photo's before the wedding escapes me.
Word of the day....Hydrate....pass the Desani stat.
My kidneys are still floating and I drink a hell of a lot of water as it is.
Yes, I submitted with grace to the photo thingy.
Anyone who knows me at all knows that I hate , loathe and detest having my picture taken. I have NEVER seen a good one of me. I am just one of those unfortunates that does not take a good photo....no matter who is doing it. But for my Godson, I will endure with a smile.
His Mom, Grandmother and I cried through the whole damn thing . And the receiving line was worse, thank God I didn't have to stand in that. OMG , how she and I cried, and I suspect her mate was sniffing too....admit it big Daddy....you were.
The whole process was sooo sweet, we bailed about 11: 30 and the kids were dancing till 4: 30 a.m. I had a lot of offers to dance, but gave that up ages ago, even the slow ones.....except for " Cotton Eyed Joe".....it's the law peeps.....gotta do it.
The next day was back to the farm to watch the kids open their gifts...quite a nice haul...you two are off to a great start .
The grooms parents and I did have a chance to visit , worth more than I can say. We only get to see each other every few years but e mail daily. I miss them both sooooo much , I could cry.
She and I finally got the chance to talk about a topic that is difficult.
She and her hubs knew/suspected what the ex was doing to me, saw the marks and black eyes and so on...and have felt guilty all these years that they didn't step up. I told her that I was honestly afraid that her hubs would have killed my ex...no exaggeration there and I couldn't take that chance. Hell....my family didn't know for a very long time. I told her that I regretted that my sense of shame got the upper hand on my self respect at that point, but I'd go through most of it again to end up here . They adore the current hubs and he and the grooms daddy are more alike than anyone could have predicted.....pretty damn scary.
That conversation freed me in so many ways. It validated the events and showed me that one can still survive.
I love them both more than they will ever, ever know.
Back here at the Casa..
The kitchen turned out so pretty with the new paint, flooring and stuff that I am almost giddy over it.
His job moved locations the day of the wedding so it worked out that I wasn't here ..poor dude. His boss is still nuts over the stress of the whole thing but that is par. SU is still working insane hours but is willing to do what is needed.
Have a great week....I will post pics of the shindig when I can.
Ciao,
A very tired Aunty Pol
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