Thirty Three

Originally posted : 6/16/08


Thiry Three

Some years are less worse than others.

Some years are gaping , gunshot wounds to the heart .

Today is more the latter than the former , and I cannot give a reason, it simply is.

Maybe it's the fact that ALL of my girlfriends are grandmothers now.

ALL OF THEM.

Sometimes I wonder the way life would have been different. I don't know what kind of parent I would have made , there are no rule books. I know for a fact that there are some things that would have been different, some things that would not have stood the light of day. I klnow that this is the one thing that I wanted more than anything else in the world, and that I will bear the guilt intil my last breathe . In my mind I know the fall was an accident..but my heart will never be able to accept that .

I also know that I owe it to them to carry on .

Happy Birthday my babies, your Mother misses you each and every day.