The Acme Giant Cup Cake Disaster of 2011 or....Why It Looked Like a 3 Year Old Hobbit Baked It

Let me tell you a story.

It's about a good idea, well meant intentions, and a complete and utter fuck up as far as I am concerned.

I know that Jeri Lee loves Red Velvet cake, and as I said , I was going to make her one for her birfday..which is today...

Happy Birfday Best Neighbor On The Planet !

Anyhoo.....

I remember that one of the gals at the office had the giant cupcake baker thingy and I asked to borrow it...because I guess I couldn't miss an opportunity to show off...yeah..I'm like that.

I get it home and read the instructions..

I set out the eggs and so forth and since hisself is at the Ice House yesterday and Jeri Lee was at her sons for a birthday meal..

Zippity Do Dah !

Listen to me very carefully here:

DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES BUY THE ABOVE PRODUCT. IF YOU ARE IN WALGREENS OR WALMART..LEAVE THAT AISLE. IF YOU ARE GIVEN THIS PRODUCT FOR ANY HOLIDAY..REMOVE THAT PERSON FROM YOUR CONTACTS LIST, FACEBOOK, MYSPACE, LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT AND YOUR LIFE.

GET NEW FRIENDS AND OR FAMILY.

I was very curious to try silicone for the first time. I should have known better.

First of all, they do quite plainly tell you that due to the size difference of the 2 pieces that the smaller one takes aprox ( important word ) 10 minutes less time so don't go for a mani pedi or Brazillian.

The first thing I noticed is that there was no fill to here line on either piece so you have to guesstimate where to stop filling so that it doesn't spill over ( it did on the base) or dome up ( they BOTH DID .)

Okay....it happens..cakes can be trimmed and leveled off.

Easy peasy...or not .

I let them both completely cool...and I do mean completely..and the top piece still broke off an edge.

Okay...it happens....it can be "glued" back with frosting.

While they were baking, I got the two colors of frosting done..yep..2 because as we know , I have to do it the hard way and I was...showing off.

Now, it is important to note that the base is "pleated" like a cupcake/muffin paper liner would be. Nice touch ...NOT !

Even with a small offset spatula, it is impossible to properly frost the base so that you keep the detail of said pleats.

FINE !

So...I figure out that I'll just frost the beast and move on.

Bear in mind that the A/C was on. Yes it was humid yesterday but still the new A/C was ON.

Everyone who bakes knows that there is a point where a frosting, especially cream cheese will become "loose ".

Unlike some ladies of the evening..this is NOT a good thing.

I did put some frosting between the two layers to anchor them, and as I begin to frost the top in it's periwinkle shade ( the bottom was pink)...it began to pull....

A COLD FRIGGAN CAKE AND IT'S PULLING !

FINE !

I clean that up...and the top is sliding.

FINE !

And the frosting just loses it's mojo.

I am by this point almost in tears.

So I do the best I can to salvage this and get it in the fridge hoping against hope that the fridge fairy will somehow, someway make it better..not perfect..I have abandoned that hope..just better.

And I make a drink.

And as I am just almost beside myself, I have an actual out loud thank you very much debate with myself and any random cat who happens to wander in my vicinity as to why I shouldn't just throw the damn thing against a wall and give Cindy Lou Who ( Jeri Lee's roomie and the other Best Neighbor On The Planet thank you very much ) a $20.00 and tell her to shag it up to Kroger and buy a cake.

You see, Jeri had come over for coffee yesterday morning and saw the silicone pans on the range.

Surprise ~ FAIL !

But her eyes lit up as she told me how many times she had put her hand on the box of said cupcake molds in whatever store ( Wally World) that she was in, debating on whether to buy the damn'd thing.

Le Sigh .

Then I got mad.

So I got the sprinkles...bright purple and pink sugars..and BAM !

Then I got the last of the decorations that I had from last year..CUTE little pink and purple crowns..and ...BAM !

When the girls got there..they had the pink candles and Jeri Lee was gracious in telling me how cute it was..how it looked like a widdle hobbit house...( ummm...Jeri..SO NOT HELPING THAT BIT BTW ) ..and on.

And it looked like one of two things happened.

1. I turned a 3 year hobbit old loose with an electric mixer and showed same 3 year old hobbit how to use an oven.

Or

2. It was made by Acme Corp and delivered to the Coyote.

So the moral is ..I am never using silicone again for cakes.

And after more research, the Wilton pan is 1 piece so that means that you still have to hookey bob a pan that has 1/2 of it needing longer baking time.

Regular cup cakes it is then.

Have a great week.

Ciao,

Aunty Pol