You Might As Well Get The Gasoline And Matches Ready

Srsly ppl...this made me LOL all damn day , which means of course that I will burn in HELL .....what evs...:)

GOD TEXTS THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.
BY JAMIE QUATRO


1. no1 b4 me. srsly.

2. dnt wrshp pix/idols .

3. no omg's

4. no wrk on w/end (sat 4 now; sun l8r)

5. pos ok - ur m&d r cool

6. dnt kill ppl

7. :-X only w/ m8

8. dnt steal

9. dnt lie re: bf

10. dnt ogle ur bf's m8. or ox. or dnkey. myob.


M, pls rite on tabs & giv 2 ppl. ttyl, JHWH.

ps. wwjd?


Ciao,


Aunty Pol

Grasshopper

Oh Grasshopper, WHY ???????

From MSN 's news page:

I am so saddened by this .

David Carradine

Actor David Carradine found dead in Bangkok
June 4, 2009, 9:10 AM EST

BANGKOK (AP) -- Actor David Carradine, star of the 1970s TV series "Kung Fu" who also had a wide-ranging career in the movies, has been found dead in the Thai capital, Bangkok. A news report said he was found hanged in his hotel room and was believed to have committed suicide.
A spokesman for the U.S. Embassy, Michael Turner, confirmed the death of the 72-year-old actor. He said Carradine died either late Wednesday or early Thursday, but he could not provide further details out of consideration for his family.
The Web site of the Thai newspaper The Nation cited unidentified police sources as saying Carradine was found Thursday hanged in his luxury hotel room and is believed to have committed suicide.
Carradine was a leading member of a venerable Hollywood acting family that included his father, character actor John Carradine, and brother Keith.
In all, he appeared in more than 100 feature films with such directors as Martin Scorsese, Ingmar Bergman and Hal Ashby.
But he was best known for his role as Kwai Chang Caine, a Shaolin priest traveling the 1800s American frontier West in the TV series "Kung Fu," which aired in 1972-75.
He reprised the role in a mid-1980s TV movie and played Caine's grandson in the 1990s syndicated series "Kung Fu: The Legend Continues."
He returned to the top in recent years as the title character in Quentin Tarantino's two-part saga "Kill Bill."

I love Canada

Fattening Fallacies


Coffee Shop Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada


Me: “Welcome to ****, what can I get for you?”


Customer: “Could I get that donut right there?” *points*


Me: “Sure thing.”


(I put it on a plate and hand it to him.)


Customer: “Can you heat it up for me, please?”


Me: “No problem, I’ll just be a minute.”


Customer: “Put it in for exactly 7 seconds. If you microwave food for 7 seconds, it becomes negative calories. Did you know that?”


Me: “Um…I don’t think that’s how food works.”


Customer: “Well, how would you know, you’re just a part-time employee at a coffee shop.”


Me: “I work part-time to pay for University…where I study health and nutrition…”


Customer: “What are they teaching kids these days?!” *walks away angrily without the donut*


Me: “Have a nice day?”




The above is from : www.notalwaysright.com


SU - Do you think this would work on Sister Shuberts ?

LMAO

Ciao,

Aunty Pol

Sometimes Flat Out Silly Is Good

Anyone that knows me knows that I am a HUGE fan of Bruce Campbell .

Read that again, take it all in .......I'll wait .

With the summer re-runs on the T slant V , there is not a lot to view, other than re-runs of NCIS or Bones when you can catch them . We are Netflix people and more often than not I try to get at least one brain numbing laugh your ass off choice in there....for me.

Anyone who reads this blog can tell by yesterdays posts that it was a weird/oh fuck no/here we go kind of day.

Oh crap..unintentional rhyming ..mea culpa mea culpa.

Anyhoo...The film of choice for last night was " My Name Is Bruce."

I LAUGHED MY ASS OFF !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was seriously laugh out loud funny . The film was shot in Medford , Oregon and also had Ted Raimi ( Seaquest, Xena ) in it as Luigi the sign painter and lesser of the Mario Brothers. It also had added features that I don't usually bother with but check out the " Heart Of Dorkness."

I honestly recommend this film , and while it was true that there was some blood....no one over the age of 5 could have taken it for real or anything other than what it was .

I need my own copy.

LMAO..Look out honey....I just ordered my own copy an Amazon.....wheeeeeeeeeeee.

Ciao,

Aunty Pol

In Case Anyone Wants To Schedule Their Freak Out

http://www.nhc.noaa.gov/

Yes , that is IKE.

Freak out or not , it is what it is .

I have our " Kiss Your Ass Goodbye " list done.

Do you ?

Ciao,

Aunty Pol

I really didn't know what to say here .

Shoes.

Go on the feet.

And that is here they should stay.

Period.

Yet once again I was faced with this issue . A client comes in and proceeds to remove her footwear and further put her delicate " hooves " on the glass coffee table in the reception area. The space is configured in such a way that there is no way that I can verify this with any subtlety. I'd had a number of " WTF " e mails ...yeah...I know, not my JOB per say.

And yet...

I e mailed the staff of the attorney appropriate and after trading a few e mails , they said something to the client.

After I had made it clear that this was not my JOB, and it was theirs to handle it.

Nope...not going to let them hide or pass the buck here.

I hate passive aggressive bullshit .

And it's only Tuesday.

Ciao,

Aunty Pol

Oh No There Goes Tokyo

What can I say ? I am on the lizards side.

I found a website that is devoted to vintage movie poster , advertising ( or Blipverts as Max Headroom used to call them). The scary part is going through all of the categories and finding things like " Lysol" being recommended for feminine hygiene.

LYSOL .

I am not making that bit up.

Scary shit Maynard.

Ciao,

Aunty Pol

Uh OH - Pt . 2

The answer to the previous post .

I feel better now, how about you ?

Ciao,

Aunty Pol

UH OH - Pt . 1

This does not bode well for the day.

Ciao,

Aunty Pol

Awwww...Jeeze Louise

As Mondays go, today wasn't all THAT bad.

The meeting will go on jet another day, bleary eyed attorneys look pitiful....yes even ol Aunt Pol feels for them.

Onward to home, after the daily update....I am striving for patience.

I spent a good part of the weekend tidivating the casa..Hisself was at work and I wanted to get the usual chores out of the way before the nail/pawdicure appt. Nothing too drastic...laundry...always.....hoovering...cleaning and mopping the kitchen floor. Like I said , nothing major.

This freed up a huge block of time to do a bit of gardening and cooking.....always fun for me.

And then tonight....aw jeeze.

First off....the tribe is yammering for their treats which is the regular routine....the two smallest...Xena and Boshi have now developed a two part harmony as they wail and bemoan their poor standard of living. The funny part of all of this is that Boshi is the smallest , the tiny girl who has Ethel Merman lungs...I swear that child can YOWL .

Sgt. Panda Pants on the other hand does not want to come in for his portion of the cornucopia....three times it takes shaking the thrice damned bag before he deigns to grace us with his presence.

Damn cat.

Then....Loki decides that his mission in the clean house is to urp them back up.

Thank you so very much.

Besides the fact that Xena pulls her hair out when she feels stressed or bored or WHATEVER....it's that fine hair that wafts towards the ceiling fan and everything...

Hello Dyson,,,,I've missed you ....it's only been 24 hours and I am befret....

Arrggggh.

Have a great week.

Ciao,

Aunty Pol

There Are No Crimes, Only Unbelievably Well-Timed Accidents
Lawyer Missouri, USA



Me: “[Law office], how can I help you?”



Caller: “Yes, I need an attorney for my grandson. He was arrested for stealing a car.”



Me: “Okay, can you give me details?”



Caller: “Yes, he was at the bar and after he decided to leave, he got in the wrong car and left with it. He didn’t mean to do it. He was just confused.”



Me: “What kind of car did he steal?”



Caller: “A charcoal-grey Jeep Liberty…”



Me: “Okay, and what type of car does he have?”



Caller: “Oh, he doesn’t own a car…”



Me: “Ma’am, I don’t think I can help you.”



LMAO



I think that I have met this client on numerous occasions.


JEEBUS H PEOPLE !!!


All this and a floor show too , I am the most fortunate of women !!!!

Ciao,

Aunty Pol

In A Perfect World

Ok...It's Monday.

Sonetimes you just need something that will really, REALLY make you laugh.

Hence,. the above .

Yup...makes me laugh my ass off every single time I see it.

Enjoy.

Have whatever kind of week you deem necessary.

Ciao.

Aunty Pol

I Did So Look Forward To This

Any one who knows me knows that I am a devoted die hard fan of Basil Rathbone aka Sherlock Holmes . The above is a random screen shot of Basil Rathbone and Nigel Bruce taken from one of the early " Sherlock Holmes " films directed by Roy William Neil.

Yes, complete fangirl here.

I can quote with above average accuracy the dialogue of any of the BR/NB/RWM films at the drop of a hat .

I went through highschool answering to the nickname of " Watson" and still do when the oldest and dearest of chums lets that bit fly.

One chum still answers to " Holmes " and the other to " Lestrade ".

Yes...very sad...I know .

Basil Rathbone did a number of other films and I was super excited to see that TCM was going to run the 1930 " Bishops Murder" , in which he played Philo Vance.

Damn.

The sound was awful......I mean truly wretched.

I know , I know....you are all thinking ..." Pol , you goober...what do you expect of a movie made then ?"

Evidently a hell of a lot more.

Far be it from TCM to actually clean up the sound .

Nah.

Too Friggan Easy.

With heavy heart , I erased the movie....it was that bad.

Hopefully the three Johnny Weissmuller " Jungle Jim " movies fare better .

Yes...it is a sad and pathetic life I lead...NOT.

Time to check the Netflix que.

Have a great one...

Ciao,

Aunty Pol

This is pretty much the way the day went..yup. This is not unusual for me to have to deal with..not in purpose or topic .more the mental acuity of the client or co-worker .

The following is from another favorite site ( No...Really.... Aunt Pol.....Another One ?!?! ) :

www.notalwaysright.com

Enjoy !





Time To Break Out The Tin Foil Hats


Tech Support Ontario, Canada



Me: “Thank you for calling [cable company]. My name is ***, how can I help you?”



Customer: “I’m being hunted by the FBI.”



Me: “Sorry to hear about that…is there something I can help you with?”



Customer: “The problem is, my cable TV is fine but no internet. The lights on the modem aren’t solid.”



(As we go through all the normal steps, I hear the sounds of cars passing by and honking in the background.)



Me: “Um, where are you?”



Customer: “Oh, on the pole.”



Me: “The…telephone pole?”



Customer: “Yes, I’ve stripped the wire going to the house and stuck it directly in the modem. It still doesn’t work.”



Me: “How are you powering your modem then?”



Customer: “Oh, I have about 3-4 extension cords coming from my house. You know that it’s easier for the government to track what you watch on TV then what you do on the internet? I think I will cancel my cable TV.”



Me: “Is that what you want to do? I can get a tech for you tomorrow morning if you want.”



Customer: “Nah, just send me to billing.”



Of course I shared this with the Dark Lords Of The Underworld....they are mah buds after all.

Ciao,

Aunty Pol

In A Perfect World

In a perfect world....this would happen.

Ciao,

Aunty Pol

wheeeeeeeeee

Progress is being made.

I have never, ever been so happy to see someone eat a frito pie before....and because of the salt and the fact that I do not like chili...irony much ?

SU told me on the way home that we needed to Kroger....that is par for the course.

He knows that I hate to grocery shop unless I am going to spend a certain amount of ducats, usually requiring a coupon pull which is mandatory for me, plus the perusal of the current ad and the fact that I have to actually go in and look and the meat/chicken on sale..whatever.

He goes in , I grab a smoke and off we go.

Yes , for the most part , I have kept to the original agreement that I will not smoke in Pearl so he knows the drill.

Anyhoo...........

When we got home and did the usual....I noticed a can of Chili on the counter.

He had already told me that other than cleaning the lower plate when it was wonky about 11:30 a.m. that after he put it back it stayed and did what it was meant to do.

HUZZAH !

He actually ate a meal tonight that made him feel full.

Let the dancing begin.

I know it sounds stupid but after the last 5 weeks , not to mention the last year , this is a big deal.

He knows that I am going to do a small crock pot brisket this weekend that we can shred out and bought the good German potato salad we like so I am very hopeful .

We are looking at a pressure cooker that I suspect will be the new toy fairly soon.

Good times people....good times.

Have a safe and happy holiday weekend and please........

Remember what Memorial Day really means.

Ciao,

Aunty Pol

Warning..A Coffee Snorter

This is from retail hell underground...a new daily read of mine . Of course I had to share this with the Dark Lords Of The Underworld here at the office because they are mah buds and have a sense of humor...we work for lawyers..we have to have at least one sense and humor beat species survival .


Besides food service, in a previous life I worked retail..and yet still managed to retain a fondness for shopping..of course I do it all on line .


Enjoy






Retail Therapy Blog


How To Annoy the Technical Support Center

Some of us deal with customers as well as idiots from our own companies.
Here is list from Lisa of her coworker's main gripes:






Enjoy -- JohnnyBob


Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.


When the support person says he's going to fix the problem and will have to call you back, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when he calls you back and then call back angry that the resolution left on the answering machine did not fix the problem.


When you call, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your software because your computer won't power on at all.


When support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.
Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.
When the photocopier doesn't work, call support. There's electronics in it.


When a support person tells you that the return was never sent, argue. We love a good argument.


When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes. Be sure to tell us how easily you could do this last year with your old printer.
When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.


Don't learn the proper term for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "My thingy blew up".


Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.


When calling to check a return be sure to tell us just the name and do not have the SSN readily available because we only have 26,000 customers with millions of returns that pass through our servers.


Please email us your return so that we may complete it for you. We have nothing better to do on April 10th.


If the email does not work DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT check to see if you are connected to the internet. Because email has no affiliation with the internet connections.


When transmitting your returns to us be sure to send them from every computer in your office to facilitate speed and accuracy.


We understand that once you touch the computer keyboard you are instantaneously awarded Summa Cum Laude for networking.


When you place a CD into the cup holder don’t bother checking to see if there’s coffee already there.


Please, scream into the phone. We are testing our ability to withstand multi-decibel ranges in sound.


Don’t forget to call us every nasty name you can think of. Part of our evaluation includes counting the number of animal names our clients are able to utilize.


Remember NOT to thank us for responding to your asinine question. We understand that lower levels of life require higher maintenance.


Yes, we all have x-ray vision and can see right into your wee, teeny, itty bitty ‘puter.


Yes, we are all certified psychics never tell us what you actually need.


Yes, we do provide tax information. Dial 1-800-CALL-IRS.


Don’t mind the extra sales tax we’re charging this year; we need to buy fishing boots to be able to stand up in all the muck we are handed.


We will be closing at 9pm so please, feel free to call us at 8:59 and ask us why you are getting an error that freezes your software.


Let us guess what the error is.


Please perform all bodily functions with us on the phone as it would be rude to complete these prior to calling.


Frequently interrupt us so that you with your college education can teach us about our software; get mad that we are not solving your issue.


Please blow into the phone to check to see if we can hear you.


Feel free to call back if you do not get the answer you want to hear, someone is bound to give a crap.


Please feel free to comment on our accents, we enjoy it when you belittle the way we talk.
Don’t ever ask us nicely to do something, TELL us what to do. We like to be given orders.


I’d really enjoy hearing how the last CSR was rude or stupid or that he or she hung up on you.


I would also like to hear the life story of your clients. I enjoy the sob stories. I truly do give a crap.


Please continue to relate every function of the software to your previous software when complaining because we emulate our software to be just like them.


Do not call right when you are having the problem, please let it build until the software is completely broken.


No, you do not have to know your operating system or internet connection type when you call, we can play the guessing game again.


Feel free to take your work home with you and be sure to call us when the children are at their worst behavior. We love hearing the tantrums of small children
Do not cover the phone when you yell to them that you are on the phone.


Feel free to call in the midst of construction or any other noise that we have to talk over. We love to yell into the phones.




This is going to be one of those days..tommorow the topic will be passive aggressive is not just for the professional anymore.

Sigh.

Ciao,

Aunty Pol

Well FRAK

One of my favorite bloggers of all time , Sous Gal is hanging up the bloggage.

I ran across her blog by chance and was so taken by the honesty and courage that I actually went back and read it from the very first post. I recommended it to SU and he in turn put it in the daily must read rotations...yeah....we do that .

It was thought provoking, amusing, LOL funny and oh shit no all at the same time . I could relate because of my husbands experience in the field and my own in the wide world of food service. You have to have worked in the trenches to get a lot of it .

Then there were the other areas that I related to on a personal level dealing with divorce and self worth.

People blog for a variety of reasons.

Some of the bloggers are just funny beyond laughing till you have to pee, some are amazing in their style and gifts . Some are self serving ....you get the idea . There is a whole world out there and long gone are the days that one might assume that anyone who blogged was a shut in crazy cat lady.......

I have used this blog for a variety of reasons , all my own . Sometimes it is because I have seen or read something that is an OMG or WTF , over ? Sometimes it is to ponder life at Casa de Swamp and the adventures of two outnumbered bipeds in the peaceable kingdom. Other times it is to address something to SU that always comes out in a more reasonable fashion when written out as opposed to me tearing him a new point of contact. Sometimes it is just random bullshit and other times a rant at the place of employment.

The WR's ( Work Rants ) are something that I am uber careful about . First of all , I live and work in what is known as a " Right To Work " state.

Google it .

I am careful unto paranoia about the content here .

A good portion of that is simple courtesy and decency...stop laughing...I CAN see you !

Just because I am pissed at someone or thing does not mean that I have the right to out them in a way that identifies them to anyone. The same applies to my employer. This is a business .

So , while saddened, I do understand SG's reasoning.

It's called being a grown up .

You will be missed SG..please stay safe and happy.

Hugs,

Ciao,

Aunty Pol

Happy Birthday to SU and Agent Double O Mullet

Happy Birthday to SU and Agent Double O Mullet..Next Beer's On Me.

Hugs,

Aunty Pol

This Is Gonna Make Me Smile All Day Long

Yes, I love Hello Kitty , but...please....enough already.

Ciao,

Aunty Pol

Stunningly Bad

I saw this morsel at Netflix and thought " Hmmmmmm."

I love all three of the actors mentioned in the photo and so I checked it out.

OMG !

This is bad in ways that I can't even begin to imagine.

Bad like a bad hit of windowpane .

Bad like gas station/quicky-mart potato salad circa mid July

Bad like believing that three hours of sleep after the last pre-made Mexican gatorade and a complete change of blood ( thank you Larry Miller for the 7 Stages of Drunk) will be enough to get you through the work day .

Bad like the food at a pot luck at your workplace that people won't even make eye contact with , much less try....and it's YOUR supervisor that brought her " creation " in to share...

Normally , anyone who knows me knows that this has all the basics in the " Let's Entertain The Old Broad ."

1. Dragons...ok...ok....dinosaurs , but hey.......close enough. I am still waiting for the adaptation of Anne McCafffrey's Dragon Riders of Pern , long rumored to be a tv series. I love dragons, collected Musgraves for years and have suffered through some truly epic movies that were truly fucked up just on the promise of a dragon...yeah....sad. I'm even rooting for the dinosaurs to eat Will Ferrell in that remake of " Land of the Lost."

Run Dino...RUN !!!!!!!!!

Nope..not gonna cut it.



2. Vikings ...Aside from genetics...I have made the hubbs suffer through the movie " Vikings " with Richard Widmark and Sidney Portier ..yeah...it was better when I was younger . I tend to lean more towards the Celts and Pagans anyway....but still, I thought okay...overall the Norsemen are not generally associated with this genre other than that forgettable movie with Benjamin Bratt....I think the " Thirteenth Warrior"...Bleech.

Again , Nope...not gonna cut it.

3 . Ron Perlman....Yeah Vincent. Before he was " Hellboy " , he was " Vincent on " Beauty and The Beast.

Allrighty then.

4. John Hurt....I will watch anything this man does, period.

5. Jim Caviezel..." Count of Monte Cristo"..nuff said...own the DVD.

The pro's outweigh the cons and yet....

I know that I will never, ever hear the end of it if I order this one.

It's bad.

" Joe vs Volcano " bad.

Not enough alcohol on the planet bad.

Blessed Be .

Have a great week.

Ciao,

Aunty Pol

Best Ever - OMG Motley Friggan Crue ~ !!!!!!

Even though the whole episode confused the hubbs who is not the obsessed , street rat crazy ( see...I TOLD you I was going to work that in) fan that I am....what ever....shut it...no talkies during the episode please.......OMG OMG OMG

1. Motley Friggan Crue singing " Dr. Feelgood"....faint....thunk.....splat........time to dance.

2. The Hat..heeee

3. Sweets can sing ? Who knew ?

4. Amnesia ? ..Um....okay..better than going all Bobby Ewing.

Sweet Baby Jesus !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Best Episode Ever !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have a great weekend

Ciao,

Aunty Pol

28 Years

I love you and I miss you very much.

Your Daughter

Be Proud - I was Strong

Yep..

Once again , as predictable as the sun's rising and setting...a certain segment of the office was visibly shown that we are considered second class by the powers that be.

Venders do upon occasion try to get or increase their business dealings with clients by offering a free meal or some other incentive to boost their profit .

This is a normal , healthy path to capitalism that is good for everyone.

Everyone that was invited to the party.

When I was a child, the rule was that if you didn't have or bring enough for everyone to share in...we all know the rest. Sadly this did and does not carry over into the real world or adult life.

I am not angry that a certain section of my co-worker got a free catered box lunch today. Most of them ( I AM being kind here..) work hard and deserve a perk now and then.

What angers me is how the out and out blatant manner in which the idea was broached. In essence, if you did not perform that job function, you were told don't even try to get your name on the sign up list.

Yeah Team.

Even tho I and many like me work for all the attorneys here and with the secretary's and paralegals,,,WITH THE SECRETARIES AND PARALEGALS....NOT FOR....WITH THE SECRETARIES AND PARALEGALS....thus we have to keep all the of them happy and yada yada yada...erk...and yet....it was made all toooo apparent where we are on the food chain.

And they wonder why I hate these happy fuckers a lot of the time...sigh.

Let's hear it for promoting and fostering a greater sense of good will and morale here at work.

FAIL .

I hope that a certain portion of the above , entitled elite fucking CHOKE on their special Princess gifties.

GRRRR

Dear Gaia,

Tomorrow has to be better...if for no other reason that it is Friday.

Ciao,

Aunty Pol

Ew... Warning...Not Safe For Digestion Or Sanity..LOL

Tags: gollum, Megan Ryan, Queen of This Tiny Land, Rachel Ray


This is just way toooo true....Roachel Ray...BLEEEEECH.

Click on Mr Linky..

I know that a lot of folks think Roachel hung the friggan moon so to speak...I am not one of them.

I will concede that her on air personality is moderately pleasant , once you accept that to be in the same room with her will induce mild hearing damage...evidently her parents never explained the concept of " Indoor Voice ".

What I object to ...strongly I must add...is the complete and utter lack of basic sanitation practices on her cooking segments .
'
Jeebus H ..you just handled RAW chicken, beef, pork...what evs.....wash your thrice damn'd paws .

Hot Water.

SOAP.

Use them....


Eeeesh...she is so completely clueless , it is amazing.

I have mentioned before that we received a copy of one of her " cook" books as a gift. The one meal we made, following the recipe exactly , was so vile we pitched it.

Anyone who knows me , knows how I feel about wasting good food.

Nuff said.



Have a great day.

Ciao,

Aunty Pol

ROTF LMAO

Okay..okay..In my own twisted little mind , this made me laugh my ass off...for ten..that's right...10 SOLID MINUTES.

It's sooooooo Minnesota , in it's own lil way.

Yeah..


I know it's my final destination, since I still can recall with both glee and mirth ( patent pending y'all) the phone call to the beloved father proclaiming for all the world to celebrate the following :

Me: Hi Daddy

Him: Well, hello yourself.

Me: Guess what !

Him: Err,...no...don 't have the slightest..

Me: Um....okay. Guess what ! I'm no longer the Whore of Babylon !!!!!!!

Him: Out right laughter ( SCORE ! - A rarity from the paternal unit..you'd have to know him)
How so ?

Me: Well...It seems that the cousin..Blah de dah has been cheating on her hubbs and they are in the process....TaDah !

Him: Ta Dah ?????

Me: Yuppum....I may be the first divorcee in the fambly ..but not for being a slut....I hereby give the Tiara of Trampiness to Blah de Dah...long may she reign.

Him: Chuckle


Me: You know me daddy , I am easily entertained...


Have a great day.

Ciao,

Aunty Pol

Mmmmm.................

We may have turned a corner , him and me.

Over the last year or so , we have been through a lot of things. First and foremost is his mothers heart attack ( yes , it was that dear) and the bypass surgery . Thankfully , she is as good as she can be .My best friend ( I am lucky enough to have three , one local and then one on each coast ) finally got to meet Mother yesterday at the service. Nee Nee's Daddy ( Big Daddy) is their interim Preacher ....hee hee...yes...those who did lil kitten day care.

Anyhoo...Nee Nee finally got what I was saying about how frail Mother is.....it is what it is.

Onward.

Hisself went back to the dentist today.

It's been a month and all of that yada yada....and the plates did not fit .

You have to realize that he has been the most miserable, sorry ass MOFO to live with for over a year now.

Nothing I could say , predict or advise could make it better.

The man who is gifted and talented as a cook lost all interest in food.

Yeah.

Ton's O Fun .

You have to understand this aspect.

We are not foodies or cooking whores.

We are both people who have worked in the industry for a paycheck and we are good at what we do.

For us , cooking........new ideas or processes are fun.

Good times.

Some of our best conversations have been about food.

Not eating per say though that does come into it..

More the joy of " OH F...check this out ".

Or...I really need this.

Or...

Sorry..." King Arthur Flour is the BEST . "

He has been the most miserable MOFO I have ever known through all of this.

Please Gaia..

Let us move on...

Else..

I may in fact have to kill him.

Have a great week.

Aunty Pol

LMAO- Really

No matter how insane I ever get...this has me beat.

Walking a fish for Chrissakes.

Who knew .

Ciao,

Aunty Pol

Monday Mania

Look honey...........Bebe Andy !!!

Ok, Ok...I know that we don't have any bebe snaps of the tribe. That we have been in fact derelict in our duties as gobsmacked parents in this area...but hey..I tried.

It's been challenging here at the Casa.

Hisselfs new choppers SUCK !

Actually..that would be an improvement. There is nothing I can do or say abut this right now. Myself.....I would be eviscerating certain members of the medical profession...but hey...the week is not over yet.

All kidding side, he has been very reasonable about all of this . His questions have been rational and well thought out. And he is pissed . No, not the British idea of three sheets to the wind as we say...fucking irate beyond words.

Worse yet, very disappointed.

No one in their right mind wants to go through what he has gone through in the last three weeks and the year leading up to this .

But...when it came balls to the wall time, he embraced the idea. He looked forward to it even to the point that he knew that it would get better.

AND IT SUCKS RIGHT NOW.

They don't fit properly, he cannot chew a damn thing. The lower plate pops off/up at the drop of a hat . He can trowel on the fixodent..and gang..that shit ain't cheap , even when you buy it at Slammin Sammy's.

Tuna Fuckin Noodle Casserole was a bitch.

Am I pissed....no.

I am angry for him

This is never good.

I am hoping for a better week.

I live in denial.

Ciao,

Aunty Pol

Hmmm.........

Sometimes I wonder why I do this.

There are many, many blogs and authors out there that I sincerely admire and read faithfully . Some are dedicated to a craft or hobby , such as cooking or baking . Their talents, trials and adventures inspire me and amuse me. Some of their experiences mimic mine .


Some challenge me to try something new . Some make me think. Some make me laugh until I swear to Gaia , I have to pee.


Some provoke me to think about something in a new light.

Some are just so damn good it amazes me.Some are for extended families so that they can stay in touch .

Some relate to the profession that I work in now or have in a previous life.


Some are just friggan funny .

Then there is this..lil old me.

In many ways , this is a release for me. It has no topic, no center , except for the parts of my life that I choose to share with those who know this blog actually exists.


Those who do know of it are people I trust and like, friends who will not judge and in fact get that this is just a form of conversation in place of the opportunity for a verbal exchange ( run on sentence alert...you were after all warned at the door.)

There are times that this is just a rant.

There are times this is just about the katz .And the raccoon...and the lizards and the cardinals and the blue jays and the possums and the rest of the life here in the peaceable kingdom.

I've often thought about why I do this .

Then it hit me, this is just a form of a diary that I choose to share. It is a release for the moments that I have , when I can't for what ever reason address things in the real world...what ever the fuck that is this week .

For those who know it's here, enjoy the perverted mind I foster.....it's all just s and g anyway.

Note : If you don't know what s and g means..honey ...you are in the wrong place.

Ciao,

Aunty Pol

Finally Friday

It's been one of those weird weeks, neither bad nor good...just something I can't quite classify .

Anyone who knows me knows that I hate, detest and abhor meetings.

Period.

So guess what I had today....really....take a shot .

Yep.

Disguised as a " Lets get lunch as a group " crap fest , off we trot.

Me , being the ever hopeful thought .." Well , okay. Nothing was said about an agenda so maybe...just maybe for once , it is simply what it is ."

Silly, silly me.

Food is ordered..yeah.....solid food.

As we wait, the question is broached...." So what it going on ?"

Ruh-Roh.

Usually , when we talk amongst ourselves...we mutter about this and that . What is the current " Oh they did not...really ? Whoa shit...."

One of them will NEVER, EVER bring up a problem to our PTB. The other talks good shit till the time comes to actually bring it up.

Me, I try to make a point with examples without naming names or getting all snitchy about it...

NOT TODAY.

When asked, I gave specific examples of problems and made clear that I had in fact documented occurrences.

I offered solutions.

Since I have been there longer than all of the others, I quoted Firm Policy .

When we got back to the office , I fired off a professional, polite e mail with the bullet points of the discussion to the PTB.

Will anything change..Oh Fuck No.

Will I do it again....Oh Fuck No.

I've finally grasped that the whole discussion of ideas bullshit is just that .

Problems don't want to be recognized , much less addressed.

And I sure as Hell am not going to wear the hair shirt of " She who complains..".

Nope.

Lesson learned.

Have a great weekend.

Aunty Pol.

Memories

Courtesy of Mile the Waiter's Blog.

Boy..does this bring back memories

Always Be Nice to Your Health Department Inspector

January 24th, 2009
My regular readers know that the Saratoga Trunk Restaurant in Redmond, Washington was my first real restaurant management job in fine dining. It was also back in the days when health department inspectors were really feared because they really inspected. Nowadays, they are pretty well bought off with the occasional free meals. This is simply indisputable fact. No offense to the health inspectors intended. They are but a symptom, not a cause, of the decay in government oversight–and government in general, for that matter.But way back when, in Washington State, the twice yearly, unannounced, health department inspection was always viewed with trepidation and fear. And when you did have one in the door, with flashlight and thermometer in hand, it was always “yes, Sir”, “no, Sir”…. “I really like your new haircut, sir”, etc.Unfortunately for me, my employees didn’t always exude the same reverence that I displayed–and it came back to bite me on the butt!You see, health department personnel work a nine to five shift, just like the rest of the government bureaucracy. They always inspect during the day–never at night. Well, as all of you know already, lunch shift is always a more frenetic pace than dinners. We rock and roll at lunch!This particular lunch was even busier than usual, and of course, who showed up? Yep! Knee deep in alligators and boom… in walks the man.So, of course, I drop what I’m doing and go into my obsequies routine. “Why, hello…so nice to see you…lalalalalala”The bar gets scored o.k. the dining room gets scored o.k. then on to the kitchen.At the time, we had an unwritten rule that not even managers would go behind the cooks line. This was enforced by the cooks by “accidentally” spilling sauces on 3-piece suits of any offenders.Apparently, nobody had explained to one of the most junior cooks that this didn’t apply to health department inspectors, who have the right and the authority and the obligation to inspect EVERYWHERE in the restaurant.So, whence upon this particular day, this inspector, towards the end of the inspection, ventured behind the cooks line at the height of the lunch rush–you guessed it–little LeRoy proceeds to unleash on this unsuspecting fellow with a torrent of expletives, followed by a threat of physical violence!Well, the inspector smiled, left the kitchen, and went to the main entrance to the building and posted a sign “CLOSED BY ORDER OF THE HEALTH DEPARTMENT”.Way bummer! Do you know what a sign like that will do to your business?We literally worked deep cleaning for the next 24 hours and humbly requested a re-inspection. He brought a fine tooth comb this time, but we passed and reopened.Of course, we opened with one less employee! I always wondered what happened to little LeRoy. I wish him well.

MiketheWaiter.

I adore his Blog.

Ciao,

Aunty Pol

GRRRRR

It's going to be one of those days.

I really feel the urge to just tell someone to stop being such a TWAT .

If I call you to tell you that your client is here , and in your own itty bitty passive aggressive way you have made it historically known that the procedure is to call your secretary/slave/cheerleader FIRST to convey the timely information....and said secretary/slave/cheerleader is on their phone. , with one of your clients trying to avert a disaster on the horizon...stop.

STOP THE PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE MARTYR SHIT.

GET OFF THE CROSS, SOME BODY'S GONNA NEED THE WOOD.

Rant over for now.....

Ciao,

Aunty Pol

Life Will Smack You Upside The Head

It must be stated that life at Casa de Swamp has been a challenge of late.

And then there are the others that we care about who have larger issues that put the p in perspective .

One of the hardest things for me is to refrain.

Growing up as I did, I am very fortunate that I have a few best friends for life.

Not the cheesy tat BFF.

The kind of friend that you hop on a plane for at a moments notice.

The kind of friend who knows not to ask when they see shit that you are doing your damnest to hide and have the grace to not cross examine you.

The sister of your heart.

The sister of my heart is going through some major pain right now. We've talked via e mail during the day and all I know to do and can bring to the table is unflinching love and support.

And yet.........

I will not call her for a day or so.

I know that they need a few days to process what is going on.

We have been there.

Because I love them both, I give them space.

This is an act of love , not ego.

So tonight I wrap them in my arms and then we laugh and give each other the chit and grief as we always have.

To Double O Mullet and his Miss Money Penny...

I got your back.

We Love You .

Ciao,

Aunty Pol

Ok..So I'm a heretic

YES
OH HELL NO

So there wasn't a lot on the tee slant vee this weekend....out come the Netflix. I tried, I tried, I tried to like " Twilight " .

Yes, I read the books and if you can get past the fact that Bella is a 16 year old BRAT ...they are a fun, frothy 'Smores way to pass the time on a rainy day.

As far as the film goes , the casting was fine, Pattinson was brill as Edward Cullen...tres yummo. But good golly Miss Molly....don't you hate when you are watching what is supposed to be a great ( and by this I mean great as in popular) movie...and you are muttering to the cat..." Oh , get on with it already."

So, I am not one of those compelled to buy my own copy of this.

Buy the " Frisco Kid" ?

Oh hell yeah , especially since the Bezos Barn has it on sale .

Buy " Caprica " ...mebbe...after renting it. Netflix is great for that ...try before you buy, unless you actually went out to see the potential film , aka " Iron Man".

" Twilight " ? ( The Bottom Photo)

Oh HELL NO.

" Bones " ? ( Top Photo)

OH HELL YES

Have a Great Week.

Ciao,

Aunty Pol

It's Friday - Don't start this shit up - m'kay ?

I am trying to figure out the logic here on this Glorious Friday that I have just encountered. It's been one of those Fridays...hell one of those weeks, but more on that later...anyhoo.....for what ever reason the elites have all been busy lil folk, meetings and depo's and so on as far as the eye can see .

Great !

Outstanding !

Huzzah, even !!!!!!!

Now , I know that a lot of these meetings are last minute things....but not all of them . All everyone knows that there is a finite amount of space to hold the aforementioned meetings in.

Finite.....LOOK IT UP !

If I tell you that there is no room at the inn...trust me....I am not making this shit up. It's not worth the time, and frankly dear, most of y'all are , simply put , not worth the effort.

On the other hand, for my pals, I will keep a waiting list, checking it twice ( Santa has nada on me ) and I will keep you posted on space A. I will keep my ear to the ground , and it I hear of space on the other floor that is open I will snag it for you .

But you ask, " How does one become a pal of Aunty Pol's ?"

By NOT doing the following :

1. Coping a 'tude ..FOR ANY REASON.

2. Coping a 'tude when I ask you for information..you know..length of time needed, number of bodies .

3. Coping a 'tude when I ask you if your meeting is over after I have validated the parking for the clients that your attorney met with.

4. Getting all pissy because the break out room for the depo is not being used the second you see it..trust me it will be used..

to be continued.....

Ciao,

Aunty Pol

Oh Hell Yeah That Works

Drool,

Nuff Said.

Ciao,

Aunty Pol

Self Portrait - Hisself

Yup..this is pretty close.

Ciao,

Dr. Aunty Pol

This Is Just Sooo Wrong In Sooo Many Ways

There are a number of blogs that I follow , usually sarcastic, witty writing, things that amuse me, cat blogs ( Oh Do Shut It) or food blogs .

The above is from a favorite blog..." Hello Kitty Hell" , which never fails to make me snort the beverage at hand, usually water or coffee. And yes, I have been known to have a dark beer, but I prefer not as it's a case of renting the beer..thank you Nana for the inherited bladder capacity - NOT !

Anyhoo...

The above is just wrong in so many ways that it makes the head spin. I hesitate to think what Hisself would do if I came tripping home from the local liquor locker with the above. Becks usually produces a fine product , aside from the fact that it like all of the other beer imported to the US is ruined...At least we KNOW where Shiner is made, thank you very much. I wouldn't even cook with the above mentioned HK swill....

Dr. Momma update:

He is feeling better , and now a tad cranky as the nerves are beginning to wake up and kick his ass. I have tried to tell him that this is to be expected...He's got the lower plate in and I am going to bake him a tater..I know...how Gothic of me...but it will cook evenly for him and I don't care how much he can handle. Soup wears thin after a bit so we are trying to maintain a variety in options.

The storms continue, the water is up over the curb and into the yards at this point. I am grateful that we don't need to go anywhere in this muck, tho Senor Panda Pants is very pissed that he is trapped inside. When it is dry enough , I will let him out and go and hunt down the yard shoes that floated off the patio...ah..the Glam life we live....LMAO .

Have a safe weekend .

Ciao,

Aunty Pol