Happy Birthday !

Happy Birthday Daddy !

You would have to have known my late father to get the above Lord Kitchener reference. Needless to say it is family lore.

I was quite proud of myself the other day...I didn't tail spin into a weeping wreck so maybe..yeah.

We had to run errands the other day and decided that sine we had the time to go and buy SU a new pair of dress shoes that his orthotics would fit in before the wedding. That done, we bought a new shirt and tie for him and after returning home, I dug out his dark gray suit.

We discovered that unfortunately this will be the last time that he can wear it because it just does not fit as it should.

It took me a bit to put it together, then it hit me.

The last time that SU wore the suit was six and a half years ago at my fathers funeral. Life being what it is, he has put on weight and so there will be a donation made.

Realizing this surprised me, in that other than a profound moment of sadness I just carried on with my day. I am aware every year that his birthday is just before Sistah's and my other favorite holiday...September 19'th or " Talk Like A Pirate Day " as it is known.

I cannot explain to anyone who has not lost a parent how much I miss him..it's a wound that will never heal and other than losing my children it is one of the worst feelings to try to deal with. Yes, I miss my late mother but she has been gone for so long now ( 29 years) and our relationship was more conflicted than most mothers and daughters so it is only with time that I have been able to put perspective to what that was all about. I loved her but it was difficult at times...nuff said .

But Daddy ?

Oh hell no..

But as sure as I am sitting here , I can hear his voice telling me that this is just the way that it is and that while he loves me , I'd better suck it up.

Consider it sucked up sir !

I love you and I miss you daddy.

Happy Birthday.

Your Daughter.