Thursday, September 28, 2006

Damn You Bravo Channel

Aunty Pol has yet another obsession . " Project Runway" on the Bravo Channel.

It began innocently enough on a quiet Sunday when Hisself was out playing goof. Having channel surfed my poor lil digits to the bone, I stumbled on a PR marathon . Shazam...backround noise as it were for the Shadout Mapes routine at la Casa. Friends and co-workers had raved about the show , using their secret language and references . " Santino ? " " Pure Crazy " . I usually ignored them as they ignored my raving about Battle Star Galactica , or worse still muttering and swearing as I'd sit and re-edit my resource sheets for the RPG and cursing the GM . I am sure they were as clueless about this , as I was about their shows. What evs.

Bravo is known for running a slew of eps on a Sunday before the new eps air.

On the second round of the same marathon, I started watching.

And thus did I create my own Doom.

I became a member of Team Angela - NOT !!!!!!!!!

I do know however what the hell a fleurchon is now . It's called the fabric flower that Angela ( Crazy Bizotch) put on anything and everything....including her own ass !

The premise of the show is quite simple . Take 15 wanna be fashionista's , give them an absurdly low amount of dead presidents, a challenge or a task to create a garment , and then critique it after a runway show.


Fair Enough.

First off, the carrot is a spread in " Elle " magazine, $100,000.00 to launch their own line and a cutesy sports car.

A few of the first people to be voted off were so completely forgettable that I cannot recall their names, faces or creations.

Poor Malan . His challenge assisted by Bonnie the Bozo was to create a pageant gown for Tara Conner to wear in the Miss Universe pagent. Now maybe it's just old Pols view point, but seriously kids....if I were going to compete , I'd want to win....and nothing spells loser like hiring some Armani wanna be to design my gown. Malan was terribly sweet, and enough of a stand up guy to take the hit for his design as team captain. Buh Bye Malan. Saw that one coming. Get rid of the guy who actually had talent . And the ratings do what again ?????

One of my fav's ...Kayne ( The Queen of Oklahoma ) won that challenge and his gown was like buttah . I could have phoned that one it for jeebus sakes. How many times did he proclaim that the he had worked ( snerk) pageants for years honey and had two..not one , but two dress shops . But his personality came through as very sweet ( be nice) and genuine. I was truely sorry to see him get " Auf'd". Note to Kayne....Honey if you ever do make's a Salon..not a shop ..m'kay ?

As with every show , you have people who every one just hates or is the Class Crazy ( Med's not kickin it ") who is one step away from referring to themselves in the third person. I think that those characters are the most fun to watch because the rest of the group that the CC is envolved with alternates between sheer panic ( OMG..what the F is he/she doing ) and complete entertainment doing impressions ( some dead on ) of the CC.

And then there is Angela ( Jubilee Jumbles) , queen of the ass roses. In one challenge, the afore mentioned pageant, she was teamed with Vincent Libretti . Yup. You guessed it, the Class Crazy.
Every one could see that Vinnie the CC was to be kind, nucking futts. Seriously . And this bizotch did just about everything in her power to undermine Vinnie. She acted like your kid bugging the shit out of you on a car trip. The more you ask you kid to knock it off....the more they do what is making you crazy . It should be noted however that in some families this is considered good training for marriage . Heh . I think she was genuinely suprised at the amount of sheer animosity the others felt for her . Yeah Angela, ass roses will pretty much unify a group. Just sayin .

Anyhoo, as the episodes continued, some people got " Auf'd" early and for reasons that were justified more often than not. Some of the eps were suprising . One of the guys got das boot from the shows itself for having pattern books in his room. Fair 'nuf. But hold on a second.

In the very first challenge, the victims...oops...designers had to grab what ever they could from the apartments they were staying in and stuff that gear in laundry bags in 15 minutes time. The gals were less messy than the boys were. The boys trashed their apartment like they were a Rock Band. Seriously trashed the crib . Now..bear with me. Jeffrey ( Is there a rehab for tatoo's ? ) stated that he was mollified to see that none of the stuff that had been trashed had been replaced. MORON . If you trash your bed, and leave it stripped to the bed slats, don't whine about it. There is a reason animals don't shit in their own nests....think about this between tatoo sessions, ok ? That being said, if one of the guys had those books, come no one spotted them till 2 or 3 episodes later ? Dude....there was no place to hide them. The apartment was TRASHED . Just wondering .

Angela ( Jubilee Jumbles ) and Vincent the CC got " Auf'd " and then invited back one more time. The rest of the designers were so completely " Oh shit....Noooooo" that they didn't make the attempt to hide it. LMAO .

And lets not forget Laura ( Skeletor) the " I am an architect from New York. I have a lot of things to say about her. First..woman...cover yourself. NO one and I mean NO ONE wants to see your boney ass sternum. Period. And just the thought of you being knocked up again with child number 6 makes me want to hoark. EWWWW. She was and is a bored Society Matron wanna be who thinks nothing of making the following remark about the newest hatchling she ' s gestating. " Just another one to throw on the pile. " Wire hangers anyone ? She did have her human moments until you realize that you can't make the above mentioned remark and them plead your belly when you get in over your head . I'm just sorry the damn dog didn't bite you in the earlier episode . Maybe there is however a lil giftie in your tote bag that you put the adorable dog in so you " Wouldn't Have to TOUCH IT."

Then there are the Judges.

Nina Garcia , the Editor from Elle is just plain mean. Pfffftttt.

Michael Kors is a hoot . Not so much I'm going to actually buy his fuggly ass shoes from Dillards , but a hoot none the less. He could however step away from such frequent mystic tan sessions. I assume that he gets a discount if he goes with his mommy , Joan but seriously . He's beginning to look like a sweet potatoe.

Neither guest judge Vera Wang or Diane Von Furstenberg have aged well . Damn..ladies get a friggan facial at least. You guys are making Yoko look good by comparison. Zak Posen is adorable. He reminds me of the Elf character Bernard in Tim Allen's " Santa Clause " movies, and I mean that in a good way.

Heidi Klum comes across as very sweet until you piss her " Auf" . Her glare could strip paint.

And then there is Den Mother , Tim Gunn. He's interesting and his critiques are well thought out in the developement process at Parsons. Some like Michael were smart enough to listen . Others like Vincent the CC ( a basket is not a hat Vincent , it's a basket) did not.

It's down to the final four I believe, Michael , Uli and Laura and Jeffrey .

The season finale is in a couple of weeks , and then there is the free gift with purchase. The reunion show. Heh. I'm taping that bad boy.

And best of all ?


The sixth season of Smallville starts tonight, the second season of Dr. Who starts tomorow and Battle Star Galactica is starting the third season a week from tomorrow .

Life is good at the Casa.

Have a great weekend...really.


Aunty Pol

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