Thursday, May 28, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
This is pretty much the way the day went..yup. This is not unusual for me to have to deal with..not in purpose or topic .more the mental acuity of the client or co-worker .
The following is from another favorite site ( No...Really.... Aunt Pol.....Another One ?!?! ) :
Time To Break Out The Tin Foil Hats
Tech Support Ontario, Canada
Me: “Thank you for calling [cable company]. My name is ***, how can I help you?”
Customer: “I’m being hunted by the FBI.”
Me: “Sorry to hear about that…is there something I can help you with?”
Customer: “The problem is, my cable TV is fine but no internet. The lights on the modem aren’t solid.”
(As we go through all the normal steps, I hear the sounds of cars passing by and honking in the background.)
Me: “Um, where are you?”
Customer: “Oh, on the pole.”
Me: “The…telephone pole?”
Customer: “Yes, I’ve stripped the wire going to the house and stuck it directly in the modem. It still doesn’t work.”
Me: “How are you powering your modem then?”
Customer: “Oh, I have about 3-4 extension cords coming from my house. You know that it’s easier for the government to track what you watch on TV then what you do on the internet? I think I will cancel my cable TV.”
Me: “Is that what you want to do? I can get a tech for you tomorrow morning if you want.”
Customer: “Nah, just send me to billing.”
Of course I shared this with the Dark Lords Of The Underworld....they are mah buds after all.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Besides food service, in a previous life I worked retail..and yet still managed to retain a fondness for shopping..of course I do it all on line .
Retail Therapy Blog
How To Annoy the Technical Support Center
Some of us deal with customers as well as idiots from our own companies.
Here is list from Lisa of her coworker's main gripes:
Enjoy -- JohnnyBob
Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.
When the support person says he's going to fix the problem and will have to call you back, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when he calls you back and then call back angry that the resolution left on the answering machine did not fix the problem.
When you call, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your software because your computer won't power on at all.
When support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.
Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.
When the photocopier doesn't work, call support. There's electronics in it.
When a support person tells you that the return was never sent, argue. We love a good argument.
When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes. Be sure to tell us how easily you could do this last year with your old printer.
When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.
Don't learn the proper term for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "My thingy blew up".
Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.
When calling to check a return be sure to tell us just the name and do not have the SSN readily available because we only have 26,000 customers with millions of returns that pass through our servers.
Please email us your return so that we may complete it for you. We have nothing better to do on April 10th.
If the email does not work DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT check to see if you are connected to the internet. Because email has no affiliation with the internet connections.
When transmitting your returns to us be sure to send them from every computer in your office to facilitate speed and accuracy.
We understand that once you touch the computer keyboard you are instantaneously awarded Summa Cum Laude for networking.
When you place a CD into the cup holder don’t bother checking to see if there’s coffee already there.
Please, scream into the phone. We are testing our ability to withstand multi-decibel ranges in sound.
Don’t forget to call us every nasty name you can think of. Part of our evaluation includes counting the number of animal names our clients are able to utilize.
Remember NOT to thank us for responding to your asinine question. We understand that lower levels of life require higher maintenance.
Yes, we all have x-ray vision and can see right into your wee, teeny, itty bitty ‘puter.
Yes, we are all certified psychics never tell us what you actually need.
Yes, we do provide tax information. Dial 1-800-CALL-IRS.
Don’t mind the extra sales tax we’re charging this year; we need to buy fishing boots to be able to stand up in all the muck we are handed.
We will be closing at 9pm so please, feel free to call us at 8:59 and ask us why you are getting an error that freezes your software.
Let us guess what the error is.
Please perform all bodily functions with us on the phone as it would be rude to complete these prior to calling.
Frequently interrupt us so that you with your college education can teach us about our software; get mad that we are not solving your issue.
Please blow into the phone to check to see if we can hear you.
Feel free to call back if you do not get the answer you want to hear, someone is bound to give a crap.
Please feel free to comment on our accents, we enjoy it when you belittle the way we talk.
Don’t ever ask us nicely to do something, TELL us what to do. We like to be given orders.
I’d really enjoy hearing how the last CSR was rude or stupid or that he or she hung up on you.
I would also like to hear the life story of your clients. I enjoy the sob stories. I truly do give a crap.
Please continue to relate every function of the software to your previous software when complaining because we emulate our software to be just like them.
Do not call right when you are having the problem, please let it build until the software is completely broken.
No, you do not have to know your operating system or internet connection type when you call, we can play the guessing game again.
Feel free to take your work home with you and be sure to call us when the children are at their worst behavior. We love hearing the tantrums of small children
Do not cover the phone when you yell to them that you are on the phone.
Feel free to call in the midst of construction or any other noise that we have to talk over. We love to yell into the phones.
This is going to be one of those days..tommorow the topic will be passive aggressive is not just for the professional anymore.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
I saw this morsel at Netflix and thought " Hmmmmmm."
I love all three of the actors mentioned in the photo and so I checked it out.
This is bad in ways that I can't even begin to imagine.
Bad like a bad hit of windowpane .
Bad like gas station/quicky-mart potato salad circa mid July
Bad like believing that three hours of sleep after the last pre-made Mexican gatorade and a complete change of blood ( thank you Larry Miller for the 7 Stages of Drunk) will be enough to get you through the work day .
Bad like the food at a pot luck at your workplace that people won't even make eye contact with , much less try....and it's YOUR supervisor that brought her " creation " in to share...
Normally , anyone who knows me knows that this has all the basics in the " Let's Entertain The Old Broad ."
1. Dragons...ok...ok....dinosaurs , but hey.......close enough. I am still waiting for the adaptation of Anne McCafffrey's Dragon Riders of Pern , long rumored to be a tv series. I love dragons, collected Musgraves for years and have suffered through some truly epic movies that were truly fucked up just on the promise of a dragon...yeah....sad. I'm even rooting for the dinosaurs to eat Will Ferrell in that remake of " Land of the Lost."
Run Dino...RUN !!!!!!!!!
Nope..not gonna cut it.
2. Vikings ...Aside from genetics...I have made the hubbs suffer through the movie " Vikings " with Richard Widmark and Sidney Portier ..yeah...it was better when I was younger . I tend to lean more towards the Celts and Pagans anyway....but still, I thought okay...overall the Norsemen are not generally associated with this genre other than that forgettable movie with Benjamin Bratt....I think the " Thirteenth Warrior"...Bleech.
Again , Nope...not gonna cut it.
3 . Ron Perlman....Yeah Vincent. Before he was " Hellboy " , he was " Vincent on " Beauty and The Beast.
4. John Hurt....I will watch anything this man does, period.
5. Jim Caviezel..." Count of Monte Cristo"..nuff said...own the DVD.
The pro's outweigh the cons and yet....
I know that I will never, ever hear the end of it if I order this one.
" Joe vs Volcano " bad.
Not enough alcohol on the planet bad.
Blessed Be .
Have a great week.
Friday, May 15, 2009
1. Motley Friggan Crue singing " Dr. Feelgood"....faint....thunk.....splat........time to dance.
2. The Hat..heeee
3. Sweets can sing ? Who knew ?
4. Amnesia ? ..Um....okay..better than going all Bobby Ewing.
Sweet Baby Jesus !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Best Episode Ever !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Have a great weekend
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Once again , as predictable as the sun's rising and setting...a certain segment of the office was visibly shown that we are considered second class by the powers that be.
Venders do upon occasion try to get or increase their business dealings with clients by offering a free meal or some other incentive to boost their profit .
This is a normal , healthy path to capitalism that is good for everyone.
Everyone that was invited to the party.
When I was a child, the rule was that if you didn't have or bring enough for everyone to share in...we all know the rest. Sadly this did and does not carry over into the real world or adult life.
I am not angry that a certain section of my co-worker got a free catered box lunch today. Most of them ( I AM being kind here..) work hard and deserve a perk now and then.
What angers me is how the out and out blatant manner in which the idea was broached. In essence, if you did not perform that job function, you were told don't even try to get your name on the sign up list.
Even tho I and many like me work for all the attorneys here and with the secretary's and paralegals,,,WITH THE SECRETARIES AND PARALEGALS....NOT FOR....WITH THE SECRETARIES AND PARALEGALS....thus we have to keep all the of them happy and yada yada yada...erk...and yet....it was made all toooo apparent where we are on the food chain.
And they wonder why I hate these happy fuckers a lot of the time...sigh.
Let's hear it for promoting and fostering a greater sense of good will and morale here at work.
I hope that a certain portion of the above , entitled elite fucking CHOKE on their special Princess gifties.
Tomorrow has to be better...if for no other reason that it is Friday.
This is just way toooo true....Roachel Ray...BLEEEEECH.
Click on Mr Linky..
I know that a lot of folks think Roachel hung the friggan moon so to speak...I am not one of them.
I will concede that her on air personality is moderately pleasant , once you accept that to be in the same room with her will induce mild hearing damage...evidently her parents never explained the concept of " Indoor Voice ".
What I object to ...strongly I must add...is the complete and utter lack of basic sanitation practices on her cooking segments .
Jeebus H ..you just handled RAW chicken, beef, pork...what evs.....wash your thrice damn'd paws .
Eeeesh...she is so completely clueless , it is amazing.
I have mentioned before that we received a copy of one of her " cook" books as a gift. The one meal we made, following the recipe exactly , was so vile we pitched it.
Anyone who knows me , knows how I feel about wasting good food.
Have a great day.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Okay..okay..In my own twisted little mind , this made me laugh my ass off...for ten..that's right...10 SOLID MINUTES.
It's sooooooo Minnesota , in it's own lil way.
I know it's my final destination, since I still can recall with both glee and mirth ( patent pending y'all) the phone call to the beloved father proclaiming for all the world to celebrate the following :
Me: Hi Daddy
Him: Well, hello yourself.
Me: Guess what !
Him: Err,...no...don 't have the slightest..
Me: Um....okay. Guess what ! I'm no longer the Whore of Babylon !!!!!!!
Him: Out right laughter ( SCORE ! - A rarity from the paternal unit..you'd have to know him)
How so ?
Me: Well...It seems that the cousin..Blah de dah has been cheating on her hubbs and they are in the process....TaDah !
Him: Ta Dah ?????
Me: Yuppum....I may be the first divorcee in the fambly ..but not for being a slut....I hereby give the Tiara of Trampiness to Blah de Dah...long may she reign.
Me: You know me daddy , I am easily entertained...
Have a great day.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Monday, May 04, 2009
Friday, May 01, 2009
There are many, many blogs and authors out there that I sincerely admire and read faithfully . Some are dedicated to a craft or hobby , such as cooking or baking . Their talents, trials and adventures inspire me and amuse me. Some of their experiences mimic mine .
Some challenge me to try something new . Some make me think. Some make me laugh until I swear to Gaia , I have to pee.
Some provoke me to think about something in a new light.
Some are just so damn good it amazes me.Some are for extended families so that they can stay in touch .
Some relate to the profession that I work in now or have in a previous life.
Some are just friggan funny .
Then there is this..lil old me.
In many ways , this is a release for me. It has no topic, no center , except for the parts of my life that I choose to share with those who know this blog actually exists.
Those who do know of it are people I trust and like, friends who will not judge and in fact get that this is just a form of conversation in place of the opportunity for a verbal exchange ( run on sentence alert...you were after all warned at the door.)
There are times that this is just a rant.
There are times this is just about the katz .And the raccoon...and the lizards and the cardinals and the blue jays and the possums and the rest of the life here in the peaceable kingdom.
I've often thought about why I do this .
Then it hit me, this is just a form of a diary that I choose to share. It is a release for the moments that I have , when I can't for what ever reason address things in the real world...what ever the fuck that is this week .
For those who know it's here, enjoy the perverted mind I foster.....it's all just s and g anyway.
Note : If you don't know what s and g means..honey ...you are in the wrong place.