Thursday, January 30, 2014

Hmmmmmm...............





Just before I left the house this morning, I saw a lipgloss in the draawer and thought " Okay..that works." and I threw it in the Dooney. When I got to the office and had to grab my keys to unlock the inner sanctum , I realized that I now had at least 5 tubes of lipgloss in the bottom of the purse, none of which I was likely to use .

I have a real love hate for lipstick.

I love all the pretty colors and am like a magpie at the store.." Pretty ".
So I buy it.
At home it's the usual " Jeebus H ...whiskey tango foxtrot was I thinking ?"

And the poor innocent goes in the drawer.

Oh there are a few that I do use, lovely neutrals that are not likely to offend anyone but I am not one of those gals who slap it on as a matter of fact.

I have to think about it .

And I usually do it only once a day in the am if I do. Once it's gone ...pfffft.

You see, I blame Max Factor.

Seriously...I blame both a dead dude and a now defunct company.

They had the audacity to make the perfect Holy Grail of all colors that was the right shade.

Women...do you hear me ?


THE RIGHT SHADE.

No second guessing, no debate, it worked with my hair , clothes attitude , personality, DNA , blood type...coffee choices..you name it , the thrice damned thing worked.

And I used it like it was meant to be used .

But they quit.

BASTARDS !


You see this all goes back to my late mother .

Doesn't everything after all ?

You see, Mother was a preachers daughter..skip ahead if you already know this bit. She didn't wear a lot of makeup until the unfortunate camping incident **. That would have been trashy and while she could be vulgar, she was never trashy. I on the other hand can , have and will be both as needed.

Anyhoo, I swear to you , I am not making this up. When it came time to go through her things, in the top right hand drawer of the dresser was a pair of boxes with the tops torn off. One box was full, the other had 2 open slots.

My mother only wore Revlons  " Fire and Ice ".

Period.

Never wavering in her loyalty, from the year it hit the market until her death in 1981, she was a loyal gal. Now she had died way before Mr. Factor committed the treasonous crime against yours truly so I don't think she was trying to actually avoid my fate in such an overt way. She was just panicked that they would quit on her.

Now In my callow, selfish miss-spent youth , I used to be both amused and critical of my mothers lack of imagination and sense of adventure..How Mom-sh..how drab..how straight .

I on the other hand intended no overt loyalty to one brand or shade..." Lets try them all."

Gastly.
Hideous.
EWW
Barf
Barf Big Time.

So the innocents were buried, only given a writ of staay every few years as the mood struck.

I hear you laughing Mother , as is your right...

EXCEPT....

Your daughter has found a company that has the Holy Grail on file and will for a price ( which I paid ) re-create my beloved "Firewood".

Yes Mother , I finally get it and you will be happy to know that I have even gone back to red nail polish.

< Bout Time>

I can hear you Mother .


Ciao,
Your Daughter, Aunty Pol


**Okay..the infamous camping incident also known as " Never Again ".
My parents were by no stretch of the imagination the camping type. The very idea makes me want to fall over laughing . IF we went somewhere other than being in transit due to a change of Daddy's orders, we drove.  Flying was for rich folks and movie stars. One of my parents decided one year that we should all go camping...Either someone lost a bet or they were actually trying to do something family oriented. My money is on a lost bet. Now , we always had station wagons so I am sure that is where the folks slept while putting the lil chilins in sleeping bags and a tent. Other than scaring the crap out of the youngest brother with bear stories ( yes we did ) it was a complete " Can we go home now " drag......Except...

Mother never wore a lot of makeup except she did wear Germaine Monte foundation. Back then , foundation was very heavily pigmented and My Mother had to wear it camping. Well, evidently because she forgot to remove it on the first and only day of said camping under her ever present Jackie O sunglasses, the part under the sunglasses was protected. The rest of her face..well the pigment burned into her skin and she was less fair than I am . Thus Mother was forced for the rest of her life ( basically the next 20 years ) to HAVE to wear foundation to even out the damage if she had to go out in public. Me...lesson learned big time. Always wash your face, do not wear foundation with a pigment density of spackle and if you don't want to wear it or need to wear it ....then don't....free pass.