Dayum..as Heidi would say.
The highly anticipated reunion ep did NOT disappoint. All the whack jobs were there.
The format was a lot looser than the previous eps, and gave a real sense of being sorta " Live" as opposed to heavily edited the shit out of as is Bravo Channel's norm.
Laura ( Bad Mama) is seriously out to there with the latest one for the pile. I will admit kids that she did look stunning in the red dress , accented with some serious boobage. RIP Skeletor. Her sense of humor, which I suspected was always there came through in a Q & A about wether she has a pair of actual jeans. " No, squeals she, I wear riding pants and boots ." Now I immediately formed a sort of morph in my mind between her and George C. Scott as Patton when I immediately added the riding crop. EWWWWWW ! That concepts gonna leave a mark. Anyhoo......it got better .
Malan sat there with that grin on his face that is a cross between rictus and a CSI scene. This goober ( said with love...so shut it) has what has to be the goofiest laugh I've ever heard. And he knows it so of course the obligatory montage of the laugh was shown and being the sweetie that he is he took it with good grace. He did mention that he did show at fashion week and his blog is a hoot . Being new to the series ....yes..I was a PR Virgin ..( do not go there) , I was under the impression that the victims....oops..my bad ..designer wanna be's were not professional's in the fields. That they were not unlike that old cliche of the Hollyweird Ingenue that knows her big break is just around the corner. Yeah..I was a tad delusional myself there gang. Obvi you have to have a certain degree of exposure to the field to be able to compete at this level. Okay , got it.
But then that begs the question of why in the world Malan would have had so much of a gap between the fabric he needed and what he had for the pagent gown ????? Yeah, it was serious ugly ( thanks Skeletor, another catch phrase I will beat the hell out of...but on the other hand..a handy replacement for blah blah fishcakes.) . Thankfully , Malan was less in the walking wounded mode and seems to have found his niche in the Bryant Park food chain.
Then there is my new hero ( ine) Kayne. Dayum, that boy can talk. They clocked him at 904 or 906 words in the interview with Miss USA. She said all of 3 words, and I personally got the impression she had in fact stopped listening and was simply freaking at his breathe control. As my friend Chippers would say , " Honey, he's gay....think about it.... m'kay ? " Ironically while Kayne had toned down his persona 900 % , Boring Bobby , the boy-queen Barbie designer ( I am not making this up so shut it ) just reveled in his flammage . In all fairness, he was sweet and still could stand by his opinion when asked without being shrill..well not that shrill .
And then out comes Keith. You could tell that the others just had an " Oh shit no !" moment. Kayne did a credible Bambi in the headlights, which was not suprising since he was the one who actually went to the others about the pattern books and was somewhat defacto elected to be the one to go to The Gunn. You could immediately tell that everyone on the set , especially the 2 Momma's to be immediately checked for all exit doors and staff security. If there was a live audience, it was one of those pin drop moments where you put down the soda because if you have any more, you are certain that you will have to pee and will miss the best parts of the gig. Been there...done that. Keith should have known that he was gonna be busted when he tried the " There was nothing in the contact that we signed addressing the issue of books", and every one just almost on cue replied.." Wrong Asshat...it was there. Hint....actually read what you are signing next time." Even sweet Michael's expression went " Oh hell no.... he did NOT say that ."
Blindly going where no idgit would tread, Keith then tries the old..." The books were taken from me the first week and SHAZAM ...made it back to my room. " This is the point where Heidi goes all Frau Blucher ( tip of the had to my side kick...good call on that one.) and starts to bristle.
Hint to Keith: Danger ...Danger...Achtung Baby......Heidi's the producer of the show.....Red Alert.
But noooooo....onward . The Gunn actually point blank asks Keith if he thinks the producers set him up . It gets to the point that they have to go to commercial before Heidi cakes goes off on Keiths ass . I should have taped that scene, she's got the glare down . Keith will eventually figure out that if he had not fubared any hopes of being something other than a designer for Wally world and pissed off Heidi cakes and The Gunn on National T slant V.....he might have had a chance to let it blow over. Schmuck.
Vincent the CC is almost giggling through all of the above in manic glee. I'm sure the internal dialogue with all of his voices was along the lines of " Oh goody.......someone they think is dumber/weirder/more high strung than us ." But wait...Vinnie you are next. Evidently he had called someone an amateur, and it got around. Boring Bobby and Sweet Michael called immediate bullshit on that and we finally got to see a glimpse of Machael actually geing po'd.
But wait...there's more. V the CC tried to justify it in some freak ass stream of consciousness that had everyone staring at the loon with the obligatory WTF expression on their mugs. Finally, V the CC realized it was going no where and was saved by the clip of his uber rant that the show could not air. He claimed to have left explicit instructions to the PA's about his laundry. As in " No touchey." And they did his laundry . He went off to the point of almost quiting the show, walking out of the apt. building and continuing to scream on the street level . Of course, Kayne and Michael were on the roof and giggling like teen queens at the show. V the CC had the good grace to laugh at this clip and that may be in fact his saving grace, the ability to laugh with others when presented with the evidence of just how much he really needs the mother ship to come get his goofy ass.
Smarty pants that the Bravo Gods are , they saved the best for last. Mamagate. All through the show, Our Sister of the Ass Roses , Angela , gave the laser death stare to the back of Jeffrey ( Tat's R Us ) pointy lil head. She is still verklempt that he was not nice to her Mama . At first I was on her side through all of it, but then they showed some some other bits, and it seems that Angie's Momma really was all passive agressive with Tat boy and didn't express her dis like of the fugly Aunt Beru mumu . Tat boy tried to get a direct answer and Angie's Mama kept on and then got all weepy when he was his usual frustrated self. Of course Tat boy being Tat boy is now thinking that he is being set up by the Sisters Ass Rose. Mebbe. Mebbe not so much. Granted, he should not have talked to anyone that way, but the ladies are not without some guilt here either. Sure fire way to get smacked...talk back to some ones mama..and the Sisters Ass Rose know that ....and IMHO set his scrawny ass up . Well played that.
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Scandal Numero Dos.
After Mamagate , for some insanely Bizarro world reason, Laura's mom and Jeffreys mom became best gal pals. Who knew ?
Seems that for the last show , the fab final four have to each put together a 12 piece collection for fashion Week at Bryant Park. Jeffrey's Mama let slip an inuendo that Jeffrey had infact outsourced some of the finishing work if not actual sewing. Huge NO NO .......frakkin HUGE . If you thought The Gun was mad at Keith about the books.....this should be a epic reaction if aired. Well of course , Bad Mama Laura gets wind of this and goes to The Gunnmeister . Dah Dah Dah Dahhhhhhhhh...........!
Part one of season 3 finale is next week.
Can't hardly stand the wait. Bravo will of course re reun the jeebus H out of it this weekend .
Have a good weekend .
Really.......give it a shot .
Aunty Pol..Your Favorite Fashionista Diva of the Moment