Tuesday, July 02, 2013

Thoughtful Tuesday

One of the signs that you are getting  older is that things don't throw you in quite the same way, situations aren't as dramatic and you rely on without realizing it that things will and often do work out. It may not be for the best or the outcome you desire, but never the less, they work out.

This has only occurred to me in the last two to three months .

I haven 't been blogging as much because to my mind there simply wasn't anything worth blogging about. From January to the end of April, our lives were fraught with the stay in place remodeling of the house . Oh I had plenty to blog about then,  and blog I did but we got through it all. I didn't post as much about the baking obsession of the new do dad I'd bought or a blog I read because my mind wasn't playing with all things bakery goodness....we had no kitchen so I just didn't .When I did blog , it was about the renovation or something that amused me...or more often pissed me off. This was and is how I cope with stress...I write.In some ways it is what got me through the chaos of sharing a tiny guest bath with SU and having things so scattered about the joint that I started to take my shoes to the office. At least there I could find them. TRUST me, should anyone ever utter these profoundly stupid and fubared words..send them to me. " Oh it can't be that bad, messy, costly, stressful, annoying complicated or angst producing...it's just a renovation and we are not doing it ourselves. We can stay in the house just fine." If the folks that say this in front  of or to you are friends  ...send them to me. Let them read this blog. If they are strangers..shooting  won't help and it's still illegal....even if they deserve it.

But even before that began...our lives were consumed with Xena's medical condition on a day by day basis. Nothing really truly dramatic every day, just the unrelenting stress of coping with it and dealing with both the vet and the knowledge that we were losing ground the last year. So I blogged about whatever took my mind off of all of it . I am still coping with the loss of Andy. But again blogging got me through.

Then there is the last five years with my late mother in law and her cancer. She's been gone for three years now but again, before that dealing with the daily stress of that...

When you live with relentless stress for so long that you no longer recognize it as anything other than a daily part of your normal life, it's absence can throw you. It's like waiting for the other shoe to drop or the next crisis d'jour. Stuff still happens, you help a neighbor whose fridge craps out, worry about a friend who has some family issues to deal with ..that stuff is so mundane, you just go " Okay, what if anything do I need to do here ? Be a shoulder and an ear, ? Help move food ?" No sweat , because it is a contained issue for the most part and the answer is simple...do what needs to be done to fix it or if it can't be fixed , accept that and move on.

I may be tempting the Fates , but for right now , I and we are in a good place. We love the house and have pretty much worked out the housework in ways that really work out. Yes, it's hotter than Hell but hey..it's Houston in July . But looking over the last five years, we've been through the ringer .

I'm trying my best to learn to relax, which is something I have fought against all my life , in many ways keeping up my emotional guard has been the only thing that has saved my sanity  I am going to bed earlier and giving myself the gift of a full 8 hours of sleep and actually falling asleep without Unisom or Tylenol PM.

If you knew the life I've lived , you would understand fully how remarkable the thought that I am actually safe and at peace can be.

Oh the blogging and snarking and bitching will continue , never fear. I kind of feel like my mental vacation after the last few months is coming to an end and it has done what I needed. It gave me some  space.

Have a great week and a safe Fourth of July.

Aunty Pol

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